hammock.

took some time today to enjoy the weather and just swing with my girls. one of my favorite places in the yard.

 eliza wanted to take a pic of hattie and me.

my turn to capture one of my favorite girls.

i tell her how pretty she is. she smiles and says "thanks mama." i hope she always take compliments well.

those eyelashes.

she might look like daddy, but she is mine.

 this one was a little tired of being smooshed by big sister.

 room to stretch!

 love how hattie is holding my chin. random.

annoying them both...they will thank me later.

this was a much nicer ride than the first time hattie was in it with me. first swing after james rehung it and the cord slipped. hattie and i got folded up like a taco. completely stuck while nana, papa and daddy got a good laugh!

making memories.

oh korea.

how i still find myself missing you on certain days.

my mom shared this photo from the return to zero fb page the other day...

and i was brought back, not to the days surrounding her birth, but to the early ones, following that ultrasound.

the friends that were there then. the friends that a year prior i hadn't even met.

those ones that answered that first phone call.

who prayed for us, for her, for our choice.

the ones that cried with me.

the ones that really listened.

the ones that kept us busy, but knew when we needed time alone.

those there for james.

ones that were a distraction for eliza. who could smile with her and just let her be a kid.

the two doulas that came and sat with us, strangers, in our apartment and answered many questions. that educated us, that stood by us, that stood up for us, that came to our appointments. made the time, even though they had children of their own.

the ones that sent flowers, offered gifts of remembrance, showered delia with love at her party.

that knew even though grief was present, we still wanted to celebrate her life.

the ones that understood, even though they couldn't understand.

who stood up for our decision when others questioned it.

the few i could lean on when my whole world crashed, and those closest to us were across oceans.

they were there when our family was sleeping, still unaware of how life would change.

those days, as tough as they are to remember, will always be important to me. i saw God's love in their faces, their hugs, their eyes.

korea was the place that she lived, it will always feel like home.

four months of hattie!

and she's getting to be a lot of fun!

things she likes...
smiling.
still being swaddled. we tried to break her of it, but she's a junkie.
grasping toys.
sucking in her top lip.
watching eliza.
holding her shirt, blanket, bunny up to her face.
us sitting her up, and standing her up.
making her clap her hands.
snuggles.
shhh-ing sound.
being held facing out.
drooling.

hattie is the queen of cat naps. guess she stores it up all at night, which isn't a bad thing, but it makes the days long! she laughs now, which is so awesome! eliza loves to mimic her sounds. there are a lot of pics of her laying on our polka dot picnic blanket which means we've gotten to be outside a lot more. she had her first experience in water and sand in our yard. didn't mind either one. she's taking the world in and doesn't mind laying on a blanket as long as she has something to hold. she really likes things up near her face. if she sleeps with us she does best snuggled close. the other night she latched on to my nose in the middle of the night! still nursing like a champ and growing like a weed. compared her 4 month stats with eliza's and she weighs the exact same that eliza did at 6 months. i suppose that's the difference between nursing on demand (hattie is spoiled) and nursing more on a schedule like i did with eliza. (first time mama mistake) hattie has really noticed eliza, and other kids, a lot more and they are guaranteed smiles out of her. so sweet! she's done amazing in church the last few weeks. if james holds her from the beginning she just slowly falls asleep and is out for the sermon. hopefully that continues! love this little bear, and she is certainly a mama's girl so far!

georgia on our mind...

like always.

our good friend/former pastor/eliza's Godfather got called to the seminary in st. louis. we had been wanting to make a trip back to georgia to see our old church and catch up with friends. sunday was his last sunday preaching there, so we had a spontaneous road trip.

it was so funny seeing eliza get excited for this trip. i don't think she knew "what" georgia was. we kept saying we were going there, how she was born there, and so on. she wanted to help me pack and it went like this.

me - "go get your toothbrush and toothpaste."

eliza - "they have sinks in georgia? do i need my cup?"

me - "yes, they have sinks...no you don't need your cup."

eliza - "they have cups in georgia?"

every little thing she'd ask "they have ________ in georgia?!" all with no volume control.

we left thursday after hattie got an overdue shot. i joked that we were either setting ourselves up with one super fussy baby, or a really sleepy one. thankfully, she gave us sleep the entire drive down. of course we had to make a few pit stops, and the last hour wasn't so fun, but she was a trooper. just like eliza always was on that drive!

speaking of eliza, she pretty much kept herself entertained the whole way. i whipped up some sewing cards for her before we left and she got to play with those. we brought the portable dvd player, but told her she could watch something after she napped. she chose not to nap, so we never broke it out! i was impressed. just like her to not sleep the whole way. (similar with our flights to and from korea. always slept as a baby on long trips, but once she got older she'd fight it!)

of course we had to drive by our old house and stop by the square. it happened to be "bear on the square" weekend, so it was super crowded. we ended up just jumping out for pictures and then heading on to check out some yard sales.

james and ben had one night out with buddies, and celina and i got a break another night. it was fun! no cards were played because the one night we would have we stayed up watching the news on their computer as they found the boston bomber.

eliza really enjoyed playing with the boys. even if she just called aidan "that other friend" and noah "owen" the entire time! it was fun to see them play together.

eliza got tested on her star wars and lord of the rings knowledge. aidan was not impressed and tried to teach her while she just looked off into the distance slowly blinking. i imagine she was thinking "is this guy done yet?"

we are so excited for their new adventure...especially since they will be closer to us!

on the drive home james' mom and stepdad asked if we wanted to stop in gatlinburg. they were renting a cabin and offered to get us a room for two nights. it would cut our drive home in half and we'd get to enjoy some more downtime in the mountains. how could we pass that up?!

when we walked in the hotel room there was another spastic eliza moment. running around like a madwoman "they have a chair! they have paper! they have a phone! look a tv! a bed for me! this thing! they have a trash can!" and so on. and so on. and so on.

she also asked if it was our home, and kept referring to it as our "korea home" ha!

she loved her "flower bed" even though we took the comforter off the second we got there.

we relaxed at the cabin, went to an aquarium, played some pool, ate delicious food, walked around the 8 mile craft loop, and james and i had a date night! it was awesome.

wish we could vacation often, but when we do get the chance we appreciate that much more!

now for a picture overload...

don't worry, we realized eliza wasn't buckled before we left the driveway!

on the square.

her hometown!

she had fun playing pool. this is one of my favorite poses of hers...she does it at the dinner table while she is eating and she always looks so sweet. even more when she tilts her head and lays her cheek down.

rocking with grandpa while the food grills. can't see, but she had my flip flops on!

cautiously feeding the ducks.

i told this lady she would just have to walk away because eliza would never stop talking to her. :)

 in the tunnel with grannie.

 she wasn't so sure about this at first.

mad hattie says "eff nemo"

waiting our turn in the penguin tunnel.

beautiful.

grannie snuggles.

while packing her suitcase she had to include her picture of her and wowa that she keeps by her nightlight. so sweet.

had a riverside room! she wanted to swim in the pool so bad, but it was outdoors only.

she loves grannie's dog george. she insisted on helping take him for walks and made him snuggle with her on the couch.

she referred to herself as "the mapper" and told us where to go. :)

one more fill up before we head north!

short nap on the drive home.

i love him for always driving the whole way.

i cannot even count how many times those roads have been traveled since we moved there almost 5 years ago. still feels like home!

three months of hattie!

how is that possible?

things she likes...
sleeping. at night better than naps.
holding her up in a sitting or standing position.
being outside.
sucking her hands.
watching eliza.
stretching out.
being swaddled.
drinking from a bottle. been pumping more than i ever did with eliza. she's an impatient nurser at times.
her orange bunny.
going places. seems to be less fussy when we are out and about.
snuggles.

a few firsts this month. first easter! first road trip! (we went to georgia and she was a champ in the car.) first visit to an aquarium. (stopped in gatlinburg on the way back home) first orange snuggle bunny from krista. eliza loved hers, and so far hattie enjoys it too. something about the nubs they both loved to suck on. ha! she also got to go to 3 birthday parties for 4 friends. it was a fun month!